I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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