I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
