Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
