I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
whose parrot is this?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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