Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
