Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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