I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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