I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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