Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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