if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
