My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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