Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Me too!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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