It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
