her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
