i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
