but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
