i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
