i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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