i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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