Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
