so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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