what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
