Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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