but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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