He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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