true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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