idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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