you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
