Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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