Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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