I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
