I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
