absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
