walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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