remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
