I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate all girls vehemently.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize
