True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
