What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
whose parrot is this?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
