so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
