I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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