a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
