I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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