I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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