listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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