I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
