i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
