I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
