so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
