just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
