He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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