Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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