Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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