I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
