Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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