I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
