Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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