I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
