so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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