if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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