Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
