I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
