Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
