if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
